Breaking the Cycle: Healing Intergenerational Trauma in Immigrant Asian Families
- Your Story Counselling
- 2 days ago
- 6 min read
Many individuals from Immigrant Asian family systems carry the weight of emotional patterns and traumas that span generations. This article explores what intergenerational trauma looks like, why you may feel guilt or confusion toward caregiving parents, and how therapy can be a powerful tool for healing.
We highlight three foundational books—It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? by Karyl McBride, and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson—that shine light on themes of inherited trauma, relational wounding, and emotional neglect.
We invite you to read with curiosity, feel validation, and consider how therapy with culturally-aware clinicians like ours at Your Story Counselling Services can support your journey.
What is Intergenerational Trauma?
Intergenerational trauma occurs when emotional wounds, patterns of behaviour, beliefs, or responses to stress are passed from one generation to the next—sometimes without explicit conversation or awareness. As Mark Wolynn explains in It Didn’t Start With You,
“When entangled, you unconsciously carry the feelings, symptoms, behaviours, or hardships of an earlier member of your family system as if these were your own.” (Goodreads)
For many Immigrant Asian families—especially those with immigrant, refugee, or multigenerational history—the impact can be amplified by cultural expectations, unspoken emotional life, and strong filial responsibilities. You might recognise this in feelings like:
Guilt for needing help when you’re “supposed to” be strong.
Carrying your parent’s stress or loss as if it were yours.
Struggling to write your own story because you're still living someone else’s.
Thinking: “Why do I feel so exhausted trying to make my parent proud?” or “I love them but I’m also hurting.”
Why Do I Feel Guilty for My Parents’ Emotional Pain?
Books like Will I Ever Be Good Enough? and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents help us understand how early relational wounds can resonate through adulthood.
In McBride’s book:
“Narcissistic mothers teach their daughters that love is not unconditional… These daughters have difficulty overcoming feelings of inadequacy, disappointment, emotional emptiness…” (Simon & Schuster)
And Gibson notes:
“Emotional loneliness is a deep, abiding pain that comes from parents who never bothered to build an emotional connection with you…” (Apple)
If you were raised feeling you had to be perfect, invisible, or responsible for another’s emotional state, you may be experiencing a form of inherited pattern. In Immigrant Asian relational contexts, where honour, duty, and sacrifice often dominate, these patterns can be even more deeply embedded—and the trauma is often hidden in silence rather than blunt conflict.
How This Happens in Immigrant Asian Family Systems
A narrative of sacrifice: Parents who migrated, who survived hardships, may pass down the message: “We did this for you. Don’t fail us.” You internalize the pressure.
Emotional suppression: Traditional culture might emphasize stoicism or duty over emotional expression—leading to missed emotional attunement and subtle trauma.
Legacy of trauma: Experiences of war, migration, discrimination, or intergenerational poverty carry emotional imprints that may continue to affect children even if not spoken about.
Filial guilt loop: You feel responsible for your parents’ happiness, but also resentful that it’s your role—and this conflict often stays unspoken.
How Therapy Can Help You Heal
Working with a culturally-aware, trauma-informed therapist can help you:
Decode what’s really yours: Identify the difference between your personal wounds and inherited family patterns.
Get seen and heard: In a safe space where your culture, history, and relational world matter.
Rewrite your relational script: With empathy, you can understand your parent’s limitations and let go of child-like expectations.
Create new meaning: Rather than being stuck in a loop of guilt, you can build a future rooted in your authentic self.
Why Choose Us?
At Your Story Counselling Services, we specialise in culturally-sensitive trauma work, especially with BIPOC and Immigrant heritage clients. We acknowledge the relational legacy and intergenerational patterns you may be navigating—and partner with you to break the cycle.
👉 Book a free 15-minute consultation today to see if working together feels like the right next step.
The Books to Invite Into Your Healing
It Didn’t Start With You by Mark Wolynn
Explores inherited trauma and the Core Language approach. (Apple)
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers by Karyl McBride
Focuses on relational wounds with emotionally abusive mothers. (Simon & Schuster)
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson
Examines how emotionally unavailable parents influence children’s adult lives. (Littler Books)
These resources are not substitutes for therapy—but they can feel deeply validating, give you language for your experience, and prepare you for deeper work with a therapist.
Ready to Start Healing Your Story?
You don’t have to carry this alone. Reach out for support. Consider saying:
“If I don’t change this relational pattern now, who will I become next?”
At Your Story Counselling Services, our clinicians understand intergenerational trauma and cultural complexity. Healing relational legacies is brave work—and the impact can ripple through your life for generations.📆 Book your free 15-minute consultation today—let’s explore your story together.
🌿 Continue Your Healing Journey
If this article resonated with you, you don’t have to navigate these feelings alone. Explore ways to connect, learn, and take your next step toward support:
Take the first step toward clarity, healing, and growth — we’re here to listen.
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Your Story Counselling Services is a multicultural, inclusive, BIPOC clinic that offers online services as well as in-person sessions in Vaughan and Markham.
Judy Lui and her team of clinicians and supervised therapist interns offer trauma-informed, clinical counselling in the form of art, play, and talk therapy. With an emphasis on social equity and justice,
Your Story offers counselling at a range of fee levels. Judy continues to see her clients, manages the clinic as Clinical Director, and mentors master ’s-level therapist interns.
Judy has been featured in the Toronto Star, where she discussed the impact of mental health struggles and the toll of COVID-19 on romantic relationships. She also co-authored a chapter in the first edition of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color. She is a committee member with the Anti-Racism Advocacy Group at the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where she helps organize community events and panels on racial trauma and advocacy.
Judy is also one of three 2024 RBC Canadian Women Entrepreneur Awards Micro-Business Finalists and will represent the Central Canadian Region (Ontario & Montreal) for this honour.
Affordable Therapy York Region is committed to making quality mental health care more accessible across Markham, Vaughan, Concord, and the greater York Region. We offer both virtual and in-person sessions through a diverse team of supervised therapist interns and registered clinicians, with services starting as low as $20 per session.
Our clinic prioritizes culturally responsive, trauma-informed, and inclusive care, ensuring that therapy is respectful of your identity, background, and lived experience. Whether you're seeking support for anxiety, relationships, grief, or personal growth, we offer therapy that meets you where you are — emotionally and financially.
We also offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you find the right therapist fit before you commit.Learn more or get started today at www.affordabletherapyyorkregion.ca.
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The information provided in this article is intended to be general knowledge and does not constitute as professional advice or treatment. This information is not intended for the use of diagnosis or treatment. Please do not share or distribute this article without the proper referencing or written/verbal consent of Judy Lui. Additional information can be found at www.yourstorycounselling.com or requested via info@yourstorycounselling.com
Meta Title: Breaking the Cycle: Healing Intergenerational Trauma in Immigrant Asian Families | Your Story Counselling
Meta Description:Explore how therapy can help heal intergenerational trauma in Asian families. Learn about key books like It Didn’t Start With You and Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, and discover strategies to break patterns of guilt, emotional neglect, and family pain. Book a free consultation with our culturally sensitive clinicians today.
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