The Invisible Backpack: Noticing the Emotional Weight You Carry
- Your Story Counselling
- 14 minutes ago
- 5 min read
Abstract
We all carry an "invisible backpack"—the unseen emotional weight of expectations, comparison, inherited burdens, and exhaustion. Author and therapist Jen Chan reflects on how these hidden loads—whether they are one-word answers from a child or the silent pressure felt as a woman and second-generation Chinese Canadian navigating the corporate world—can impact our daily lives. This post explores the common things we hold onto that may not even be ours and introduces therapy as the essential space to unpack, name, and lighten this invisible weight so you can walk through life with more ease and self-compassion.
The Invisible Backpack: What Are You Carrying?
By: Jen Chan
There are days my kids come home and toss their backpacks on the floor with a heavy thump. “How was your day?” I ask. “Good,” the one-word answer every parent knows. Sometimes good really does mean good. But other days, I can tell that the word is holding more than it says, that their backpacks have carried the invisible weight of a dozen bricks.
Later that evening, once hands are washed, bellies are full, and bedtime hugs have been given, they begin to tell me about their day. In the safety of their beds, when the world finally slows down, they start to unpack. One by one, the bricks come out. “I was so tired today.” “I dropped my snack and was too embarrassed to ask for another.” “I didn’t do so well on my test.” “My friends didn’t let me play at recess.”
As they speak, I watch their eyes soften, jaws unclench, shoulders relax. The weight begins to lift. Eventually, they drift to sleep, lighter, softer, ready to face another day.
As I watch them, I think about my own invisible backpack, the one I’ve carried through the years. Mine doesn’t sit by the front door. It’s woven into my body and my story. The weight of the seen and unseen things I’ve carried as a second-generation Chinese Canadian, as a woman, a mother, a daughter, and someone who spent years navigating the corporate world. Worlds that often reward composure, productivity, and silence over vulnerability.
Inside my backpack are the expectations of success, the inherited belief that asking for help is weakness, the pressure to care for everyone else before myself. There are bricks of comparison, not feeling “as good,” or “good enough.” There are moments of invisibility at work, assumptions made about who I am or how I should show up. And there is the exhaustion, the kind that comes from holding so much, for so long.
Some of the things in our backpacks may not even be ours. They may have been passed down through generations, shaped by family stories, cultural expectations, and survival.
Therapy can be a place to begin noticing what’s in your backpack. To gently take things out, name them, and make space for what you find. Sometimes you can set a few things down. Other times, you might realize you can’t take something out, but you can hold it differently. You can place it in a safer container, one that doesn’t leak or weigh you down the same way.
We all need a place where we can unpack our backpacks, even just a little, so that what we carry feels lighter. Therapy can be that place. A space to be seen, to rest, to breathe. Because even when we can’t change what’s in the backpack, sharing its weight with someone else can help us walk a little easier.
What are you carrying? And are there things you’d like to unpack?
About Jen
I’m a therapist, mother, and former corporate professional who understands the invisible weight many of us carry, especially those navigating multiple identities and expectations. In my practice, I support clients in learning to notice, name, and lighten what they’ve been holding, so they can move through life with more ease, self-compassion, and connection.
Ready to Unpack Your Invisible Backpack?
If Jen's words resonate with the invisible weight you've been carrying, Reach out for a free 15-Minute Consutlation Today
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Judy has been featured in the Toronto Star, where she discussed the impact of mental health struggles and the toll of COVID-19 on romantic relationships. She also co-authored a chapter in the first edition of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color. She is a committee member with the Anti-Racism Advocacy Group at the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where she helps organize community events and panels on racial trauma and advocacy.
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Meta Description: Therapist Jen Chan explores the "invisible backpack" of emotional weight, covering silent expectations, cultural burdens, and exhaustion. Learn how therapy can help you unpack and lighten what you carry.
Keywords: Invisible Backpack, Emotional Weight, Unpack Emotions, Jen Chan Therapy, Toronto Therapy, Vaughan Counselling, Cultural Expectations, Second-Generation Chinese Canadian, Corporate Burnout, Self-Compassion, Affordable Therapy, Therapy for Women
