How to Set Boundaries and Find Peace: Lessons from Nedra Glover Tawwab
- Your Story Counselling
- 23 hours ago
- 6 min read
In her bestselling book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab offers a simple but life-changing truth:
“Boundaries are how you teach people to treat you.”
If you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no, overwhelmed by others’ needs, or unsure how to communicate your limits, this book is essential reading. And in therapy, boundary work often becomes a cornerstone of healing — because peace begins when you stop
abandoning yourself to keep others comfortable.
Who Is Nedra Glover Tawwab?
Nedra Glover Tawwab is a licensed therapist, relationship expert, and boundary educator with over 15 years of experience helping people build healthier relationships. Her down-to-earth, practical advice — first shared on her viral Instagram account @nedratawwab — has inspired millions to set boundaries rooted in clarity, self-respect, and compassion.
Her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace (and the companion workbook) transforms what often feels abstract — “I need to take care of myself more” — into tangible tools for change.
Understanding Boundaries: They’re About You, Not Them
Tawwab redefines boundaries not as walls, but as guidelines for how you want to be treated — and, more importantly, how you will act when those guidelines are crossed.
“A boundary is not a rule for someone else. It’s a rule for you.”
For example:
Instead of saying, “You can’t yell at me,” try “If you raise your voice, I will leave the room.”
Instead of “You need to stop calling so much,” say “I’ll return your calls when I’m available.”
Boundaries are about action, not control. They reclaim your power from others’ reactions and place it back in your hands.
The Six Key Types of Boundaries
Tawwab identifies six categories where boundaries often need strengthening. Here’s how each might look in daily life — and how therapy can support them:
Physical Boundaries: Protecting your personal space and comfort.
Saying no to hugs, or asking for personal space.
In therapy: learning to recognize body cues that signal discomfort.
Emotional Boundaries: Protecting your right to feel and think independently.
Not taking responsibility for someone else’s feelings.
In therapy: differentiating between empathy and emotional overfunctioning.
Time Boundaries: Prioritizing your energy and rest.
Declining extra work tasks when your plate is full.
In therapy: confronting guilt and the “people-pleasing” mindset.
Material Boundaries: Managing possessions, money, and resources.
Deciding who you lend to — and when to say no.
Intellectual Boundaries: Respecting differences in opinions and beliefs.
Allowing disagreement without defensiveness or hostility.
Sexual Boundaries: Defining what intimacy means and what’s safe and respectful for you.
In therapy: creating a safe environment to process consent, trauma, or shame.
Each boundary is deeply personal — what feels safe to one person may not feel safe to another. Therapy can help you identify where those lines are and what’s been keeping you from holding them.
Why Setting Boundaries Feels So Hard
Many of us were raised to equate boundaries with selfishness. We learned to be “good,” agreeable, or accommodating — often at the expense of our own needs.
Tawwab explains that fear, guilt, and family conditioning often block us from setting limits:
“When you’re used to putting others first, boundaries can feel like betrayal.”
Therapy can help reframe that fear. You’re not rejecting others — you’re choosing authenticity over resentment.
How to Start Setting Boundaries Today
Here are a few actionable takeaways from Tawwab’s work, adapted for real life and therapy practice:
1. Define What’s Not Working
Ask yourself: “Where do I feel drained, resentful, or taken for granted?” Those feelings often point directly to areas needing boundaries.
2. Communicate Clearly and Kindly
You don’t have to justify your boundary. Use “I” statements and simple language — “I’m not available this weekend” is enough.
3. Be Consistent
Boundaries fail when they’re inconsistently applied. Follow through on what you say — that consistency teaches others how to engage with you.
4. Enforce Consequences
If a boundary is crossed, calmly take the action you’ve stated. This isn’t punishment — it’s integrity.
5. Expect Discomfort, Not Drama
Boundaries challenge old dynamics. Some people will test them. But discomfort is a sign of growth — not guilt.
Boundaries and Therapy: Reclaiming Your Emotional Space
In counselling, boundary work is often at the heart of emotional healing — especially for those recovering from people-pleasing, codependency, burnout, or trauma.Therapists help clients identify:
What values they want to live by
How to assert needs safely
How to separate self-worth from others’ approval
It’s like exercising a muscle — each boundary you hold builds strength and peace.
At Your Story Counselling Services, our therapists provide individual therapy, couples counselling, and family therapy that help clients move from emotional chaos to calm, empowered relationships.
Continue Your Healing Journey
If you’re ready to explore what boundary-setting could look like in your own life, we’re here to help you take that next step.
Your Story Counselling Services is a multicultural, inclusive, BIPOC clinic that offers online services as well as in-person sessions in Vaughan and Markham.
Judy Lui and her team of clinicians and supervised therapist interns offer trauma-informed, clinical counselling in the form of art, play, and talk therapy. With an emphasis on social equity and justice,
Your Story offers counselling at a range of fee levels. Judy continues to see her clients, manages the clinic as Clinical Director, and mentors master ’s-level therapist interns.
Judy has been featured in the Toronto Star, where she discussed the impact of mental health struggles and the toll of COVID-19 on romantic relationships. She also co-authored a chapter in the first edition of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color. She is a committee member with the Anti-Racism Advocacy Group at the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where she helps organize community events and panels on racial trauma and advocacy.
Judy is also one of three 2024 RBC Canadian Women Entrepreneur Awards Micro-Business Finalists and will represent the Central Canadian Region (Ontario & Montreal) for this honour.
Affordable Therapy York Region is committed to making quality mental health care more accessible across Markham, Vaughan, Concord, and the greater York Region. We offer both virtual and in-person sessions through a diverse team of supervised therapist interns and registered clinicians, with services starting as low as $20 per session.
Our clinic prioritizes culturally responsive, trauma-informed, and inclusive care, ensuring that therapy is respectful of your identity, background, and lived experience. Whether you're seeking support for anxiety, relationships, grief, or personal growth, we offer therapy that meets you where you are — emotionally and financially.
We also offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you find the right therapist fit before you commit.Learn more or get started today at www.affordabletherapyyorkregion.ca.
If you have additional questions regarding the contents of this article please feel free to contact us and we will be happy to answer you.
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The information provided in this article is intended to be general knowledge and does not constitute as professional advice or treatment. This information is not intended for the use of diagnosis or treatment. Please do not share or distribute this article without the proper referencing or written/verbal consent of Judy Lui. Additional information can be found at www.yourstorycounselling.com or requested via info@yourstorycounselling.com
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Discover key lessons from Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab — including how to define, communicate, and enforce healthy boundaries. Learn how therapy helps you build confidence, emotional balance, and authentic relationships.
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