“Completing the Stress Cycle”: What Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski Teaches Us About Real Recovery
- Your Story Counselling
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
We often think of burnout as a sign of weakness — that if we could just “push harder” or “manage time better,” we’d stop feeling so tired. But in their groundbreaking book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, challenge that idea entirely.
They show that burnout isn’t about doing too much — it’s about not completing the stress cycle.
Who Are Emily and Amelia Nagoski?
Emily Nagoski is a health educator and researcher, best known for her earlier work Come As You Are, which explores women’s sexuality and emotional wellness. Her twin sister, Amelia Nagoski, is a choral conductor and music professor who has experienced the effects of burnout firsthand — collapsing from stress while trying to meet impossible expectations in academia.
Together, they bring science, empathy, and storytelling to one powerful truth:
“You’re not broken — you’re just stuck.”
Understanding Burnout: It’s Not About Effort, It’s About Completion
Most of us live with ongoing stress — emails, deadlines, caregiving, financial strain, relationship pressures — yet our bodies are still wired for ancient survival responses.
When a stressor appears (the proverbial lion chasing us), our body floods with adrenaline and cortisol. But unlike our ancestors, we don’t get to run or shake it off — we sit at a desk, clench our teeth, and scroll on our phones. The stress never completes its cycle.
This is why burnout feels like:
Constant fatigue even after rest
Brain fog or irritability
Feeling emotionally detached or cynical
Muscle tension or physical pain with no clear cause
In therapy, we see this often — clients who “get through” their days but never feel done.
Completing the Stress Cycle: Practical Tools to Reset
The Nagoskis emphasize that we must complete our body’s stress response before it harms us. Think of it like closing all the tabs in your brain — one by one.
Here are ways to do that, with real-world examples:
1. Physical Movement
Walk briskly for 10 minutes after work
Stretch, dance, do yoga, or shake out your body
Move until your body feels a shift — like an exhale or warmth in your chest
(In therapy, this mirrors somatic work — reconnecting to your body to release stored tension.)
2. Creative Expression
Journal freely, paint, or sing
Create not for perfection, but for release
This signals your brain: I’m safe to feel and express again
3. Affection & Connection
A 20-second hug, shared laughter, or deep conversation can physiologically calm the nervous system
Therapy, too, acts as a “safe connection” that tells your brain: You’re not alone in this.
4. Laughter & Crying
Both are emotional releases — the body’s natural completion signals
Watch a comedy, cry in the car, or share a ridiculous meme with a friend — it counts
5. Rest & Intentional Recovery
Rest isn’t just sleep; it’s unplugging without guilt
Set “no output” time — moments when you are not producing or solving anything
“Rest is not earned. It’s required.” – Emily Nagoski
Building Resilience: Healing Beyond Survival
The book also explores resilience not as toughness, but as capacity — your ability to move through stress and return to balance.
In therapy, this is like training your emotional muscles.Just as physical fitness comes from consistent workouts, emotional resilience grows from consistent inner work:
Practicing self-compassion instead of self-criticism
Learning to name emotions instead of suppressing them
Building meaningful relationships that remind you of your worth
Aligning your choices with your values, not just external demands
“The cure for burnout isn’t self-care; it’s all of us caring for each other.” – Amelia Nagoski
Burnout, Identity, and the Systems Around Us
The Nagoskis highlight that burnout isn’t just personal — it’s systemic. Women, BIPOC, and marginalized groups often experience “double burnout” from societal pressures, discrimination, and invisible labor.
This is where culturally responsive therapy matters — recognizing that exhaustion doesn’t exist in isolation, but within larger social contexts. Healing isn’t just about managing stress, but also validating the systems that create it.
At Your Story Counselling, we integrate this awareness in our therapy approaches — acknowledging the intersections of culture, identity, and emotional well-being.
Your Brain Workout: How Therapy Complements Burnout Recovery
Think of therapy as mental fitness training — a safe place to strengthen your emotional regulation, process stress cycles, and build tools that help you recover faster.Just as you’d hire a trainer to teach you proper form, a therapist helps you:
Notice stress before it overwhelms you
Build emotional endurance
Strengthen your ability to rest, recharge, and recover
You can’t stop life’s lions from chasing you — but you can learn how to stop running from the stress they leave behind.
Continue Your Healing Journey
If you see yourself in these signs of burnout, know that recovery is possible — and you don’t have to do it alone.
Your Story Counselling Services is a multicultural, inclusive, BIPOC clinic that offers online services as well as in-person sessions in Vaughan and Markham.
Judy Lui and her team of clinicians and supervised therapist interns offer trauma-informed, clinical counselling in the form of art, play, and talk therapy. With an emphasis on social equity and justice,
Your Story offers counselling at a range of fee levels. Judy continues to see her clients, manages the clinic as Clinical Director, and mentors master ’s-level therapist interns.
Judy has been featured in the Toronto Star, where she discussed the impact of mental health struggles and the toll of COVID-19 on romantic relationships. She also co-authored a chapter in the first edition of An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy Centering the Lives of Indigenous, Racialized, and People of Color. She is a committee member with the Anti-Racism Advocacy Group at the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association, where she helps organize community events and panels on racial trauma and advocacy.
Judy is also one of three 2024 RBC Canadian Women Entrepreneur Awards Micro-Business Finalists and will represent the Central Canadian Region (Ontario & Montreal) for this honour.
Affordable Therapy York Region is committed to making quality mental health care more accessible across Markham, Vaughan, Concord, and the greater York Region. We offer both virtual and in-person sessions through a diverse team of supervised therapist interns and registered clinicians, with services starting as low as $20 per session.
Our clinic prioritizes culturally responsive, trauma-informed, and inclusive care, ensuring that therapy is respectful of your identity, background, and lived experience. Whether you're seeking support for anxiety, relationships, grief, or personal growth, we offer therapy that meets you where you are — emotionally and financially.
We also offer a free 15-minute consultation to help you find the right therapist fit before you commit.Learn more or get started today at www.affordabletherapyyorkregion.ca.
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The information provided in this article is intended to be general knowledge and does not constitute as professional advice or treatment. This information is not intended for the use of diagnosis or treatment. Please do not share or distribute this article without the proper referencing or written/verbal consent of Judy Lui. Additional information can be found at www.yourstorycounselling.com or requested via info@yourstorycounselling.com
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Learn how Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski helps us understand stress, resilience, and emotional recovery. Discover practical ways to complete the stress cycle and heal burnout through therapy.
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