What Is Self-Compassion, Really? + 3 Simple Ways to Practice It
- Your Story Counselling
- Jun 16
- 3 min read
By Andie Toderovitz, Therapist Intern, Your Story Counselling
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion is the act of treating yourself with the same kindness, support, and patience that you’d offer a friend. It’s especially important when life gets tough—whether you're navigating failure, emotional pain, or inner struggle.
According to self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, this practice has three core components:
1. Self-Kindness
Instead of being your own worst critic, self-kindness asks you to soften that inner voice. When you offer warmth and understanding to yourself—even when things go wrong—you begin to replace harshness with healing.
🗣 Try this: Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you deeply care about.
2. Common Humanity
We all struggle. You are not alone in your pain or imperfection. Recognizing this shared human experience reduces isolation and builds connection, even when life feels overwhelming.
🌍 You're not broken. You're human.
3. Mindfulness
Self-compassion starts with awareness. Mindfulness invites you to observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment or avoidance. It's not about toxic positivity—it's about making space for the full range of your experience.
👁 Notice your pain, but don’t become consumed by it.
Why Is Self-Compassion So Hard?
If self-compassion sounds easier said than done, you’re not alone. Many of us struggle with offering ourselves grace. Here’s why:
A Harsh Inner Critic Feels “Normal” We’ve been taught that being hard on ourselves equals productivity. But research shows it often backfires, increasing stress and burnout.
Negative Core Beliefs Thoughts like “I don’t deserve kindness” or “I’ll never be enough” often come from early experiences and go unchallenged for years.
Cultural Pressures Our society often values hustle, perfection, and self-sacrifice over rest and emotional care.
Shame or Trauma People with past trauma or shame may feel undeserving of compassion—but it’s these very moments when self-compassion is most needed.
No Role Models If self-compassion wasn’t modeled for you growing up, it can feel foreign or even “selfish.” The good news? It’s a skill you can learn.
3 Simple Ways to Start Practicing Self-Compassion
1. The Compassionate Self-Check-In
Pause and reflect with three quick prompts:
Mindfulness: What am I feeling right now?
Common Humanity: Who else might feel this way too?
Self-Kindness: What do I need in this moment?
Just 60 seconds of tuning in can interrupt the spiral of self-criticism and bring you back to yourself.
2. Journaling with Self-Compassion
Write down how you're feeling—no filters, no judgment. Then, respond to yourself with warmth and care.📝 Example:"I'm struggling today, and that's okay. I did my best with what I knew."
3. Create a Self-Compassion Toolbox
Build a personalized list of soothing, validating activities you can reach for during hard moments. Examples might include:
Listening to calming music
Going for a nature walk
Taking a warm bath
Saying an affirmation aloud
Booking a therapy session
Ready to Deepen Your Self-Compassion Practice? Therapy Can Help.
If self-compassion feels out of reach, therapy offers a safe space to understand why—and to build that inner gentleness from the inside out. You don’t have to do this alone.
✨ Book a free 15-minute consultation with Andie Toderovitz, Therapist Intern offering Low Cost Therapy Rates from $20+, to explore how therapy can help you reconnect with yourself through compassion.
Disclaimer
This article is for informational purposes only and does not serve as a replacement for medical or psychological advice. If you’re struggling with mental health concerns, consider speaking with a licensed therapist or your family doctor.
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Abstract
Self-compassion is more than a wellness buzzword—it’s a powerful tool that can help you heal, cope, and grow. In this article, we explore what self-compassion really means, why it can feel so difficult to practice, and three easy ways to begin incorporating it into your daily life. Whether you're facing burnout, emotional overwhelm, or feeling stuck in self-criticism, self-compassion offers a gentle and transformative path forward. Learn how small changes in how you speak to yourself can lead to big shifts in your mental health—and discover how therapy can support you on that journey.
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