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The Three Types of Sex - According to Expert Relationship Researchers and Clinicians.

Updated: Aug 8, 2023


Sexual Intimacy

Intimacy is the foundation of any thriving relationship. It goes far beyond physicality and encompasses emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections between partners. However, cultivating intimacy is not always a straightforward journey. Life's challenges, miscommunications, and past experiences can create barriers that hinder a couple's ability to deepen their bond. Fortunately, individual therapy and couples therapy can be powerful tools to help individuals understand themselves better, address personal issues, and improve their relationships. In this article, we'll explore how these therapeutic approaches, along with different types of sex, can help build more positive intimacy in one's life, drawing insights from the enlightening perspectives shared by Sue Johnson, founder of Emotion Focused Therapy, a couples-orientated psychotherapy that has helped relationships around the world mend their arguments and build deeper communication skills.

Understanding the Three Types of Sex

Kinds of Sex

Sue Johnson in her research has found three dimensions of sex in a relationship: Sealed off sex, Solace sex, and Synchrony sex. Each type has its significance, and understanding them can help individuals and couples identify areas of improvement in their intimate lives.

1. Sealed Off Sex: This type of intimacy is primarily focused on physical pleasure and may lack emotional connection. While it serves as a vital component of a relationship, it alone cannot sustain long-lasting intimacy. In some cases, individuals may find themselves disconnected from their emotions during such encounters, leading to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction.

2. Solace Sex: This level of sexual intimacy involves an emotional connection with one's partner. It is about being present, vulnerable, and willing to share one's deepest feelings and desires. Solace sex fosters a sense of closeness and helps partners feel understood and appreciated.

3. Synchrony Sex: The highest form of sexual intimacy, Synchrony sex transcends the individual's experience and encompasses the connection between partners and the broader context of their relationship. It involves understanding each other's needs, exploring emotional vulnerabilities, and fostering trust and openness.

The Role of Individual Therapy in Intimacy

Individual Therapy in Intimacy

Individual therapy can be an invaluable resource for those seeking to enhance intimacy in their lives and relationships. Here are some ways it can help:

1. Self-Exploration: Individual therapy provides a safe space for individuals to explore their emotions, fears, and past experiences that may impact their current relationships and their own relationship with themselves as sexual or intimate beings. By gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves within the safe space of psychotherapy, we can make more conscious choices and communicate our needs effectively.

2. Healing Past Wounds: Past traumas or unresolved issues can cast a shadow over present relationships. Therapy helps individuals process these wounds and develop healthier coping mechanisms, preventing them from sabotaging current relationships.

3. Building Self-Esteem: A positive self-image is essential for building intimate connections. Through therapy, individuals can work on their self-esteem and self-worth, enabling them to engage in more fulfilling and authentic relationships.

The Power of Couples Therapy in Sexual Intimacy

Couples therapy can be transformative, providing a platform for partners to address their relationship challenges and foster deeper intimacy:

Couples Therapy

1. Improved Communication: Effective communication lies at the core of any successful relationship. Couples therapy equips partners with the tools to express themselves honestly and actively listen to their significant other, reducing misunderstandings and conflicts.

2. Strengthening Emotional Bonds: Couples therapy encourages emotional vulnerability and fosters a deeper understanding of each partner's needs and desires. This process creates a stronger emotional bond and nurtures intimacy within the relationship.

3. Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but how couples handle them can significantly impact intimacy. Therapy teaches partners constructive ways to

resolve conflicts, promoting harmony and connection.

4. Providing Guidance and Resources for Physical Intimacy: Let’s face it, our world and education system does not at all prepare us with the know-how of how to engage in healthy and strong intimate relationships. Couples therapy can become a safe space for couples to practice and unpacks conversations around sex and intimacy that might feel too hard or too embarrassing to have. Your couples therapist would help you unpack the discomfort around such conversations and help support you and your partner in creating a healthier and more open dialogue around intimate desires, needs, and wants.



Building and maintaining intimacy in a relationship is an ongoing journey that requires effort, understanding, and self-awareness. Individual therapy empowers individuals to address personal barriers that hinder intimacy, while couples therapy fosters improved communication and conflict resolution. By integrating these therapeutic approaches into their lives, individuals and couples can unlock the transformative power of emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connections, ultimately enriching their relationships and nurturing a more positive and fulfilling sense of intimacy in their lives.


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Couples Therapy

At Your Story Counselling, our team of expert therapists are here to help. We specialize in helping folks recover from trauma and build the tools to move forward in life.

We understand that seeking help can be scary, but we believe that everyone deserves a chance at a happy and healthy future.

Our therapists are trained to help couples communicate effectively, understand each other's needs, and work towards a shared understanding of what their relationship means to them, we're here to help.

So if you're ready to take the first step towards a stronger, healthier relationship with yourself, reach out to us for help today. Remember, it's never too late to seek help, and you and your partner deserve the best possible chance at happiness.


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